Recently I've recognised more and more the dependence I have on people. I get my worth from people. If I don't feel like I matter to people then I feel lonely and worthless.
Now I am realising quite how big a grip this has on me because I am having a couple of days off and have tried to cut down on texting people just to see the effect it has on me. And you know what, I feel crap. I feel like no one cares about me and that I am alone.
That is what I feel.
What I KNOW is that I have a God who cares for me intimately and who loves me better than anyone else ever can or does. While I might feel like I need people (I am a huge extrovert after all), actually God says that he is sufficient. Yes it is not a natural, default position for my head to get around...I want people to show me that I'm loved...but ultimately God has already shown me how much he loves me. He's shown it by sending Jesus to die for me so I can have a relationship with God. He shows me every day how much he loves me by providing for me, by keeping me breathing.
I am so thankful that God does provide me with friends, that actually even when I feel lonely I know that I have a circle of friends who I can call out to to be there for me. But even more than that I love that God is enough. No matter how good a group of friends you have, sometimes they will let you down - God doesn't. He literally is the ultimate friend/parent/King. Supreme.
Dependence on him is something I want to learn more.