Well, yesterday I did something a little crazy.
I have started playing netball on Tuesdays and yesterday by some miracle we won our game against the team that was top of the league - we won with only 6 players (there are 7 players on a team on the court at all times), it literally was insane! I don't think I've ever run as much as I did last night.
But after that I was supposed to be going for dinner. Now, attractive as I naturally am, I didn't think turning up in pretty minging, sweaty clothes was probably going to do me any favours. I was going directly from the game to the restaurant and so I had limited time/scope to change, but I knew I really should make a bit of an effort.
So I did something a bit crazy: I changed clothes on the bus.
Yea, I went upstairs right to the back and changed out of a sweaty tracksuit into some jeans and clean clothes.
Now, this would have been fine; really it would have been fine - it was quite an empty bus. However, two things happened to make this not fine.
- This bus happened to have a rare ticket inspection half way through my journey. So as I was about to whip my trackies off, an inspector came and checked my ticket. Pretty awkward. However, not as awkward as...
- The fact I forgot that the back seat on the upper deck has like 2 cameras on it that are displayed as part of a rotation on a TV screen downstairs. So as I descended to alight the bus, I got a few claps...yea. AWKWARD.
I was thinking about this and how sometimes we can do things thinking we won't be seen. Like I would never have done that if I had (thought it through) known that cameras were watching me! But it made me think about the things I do/think when I feel like no one sees.
Like the times when I secretly judge people on appearance or accent. Or the times when I let my mind wander to sex or lust - things that I know are not healthy for me to think about.
On Sunday I heard a sermon and something that the speaker said has stayed with me this week. He said "God is our Saviour, but he is also our Judge" - he was saying that in the context of how God has done so much for us, he has chosen us, adopted us, forgiven us, empowered us, released us (and loads more); but how for us to fully appreciate all of that it requires a response. It means we need to change how we live to honour God. Of course we will never get it 100% right, but God sees the heart and sees our intentions.
I think sometimes I forget that God sees everything. Just like on that bus I forgot that people could see me. There is nothing I can hide from God. That is both a little scary (I can't hide anything from God), but also hugely freeing. God sees EVERYTHING. But yet he still has chosen me and loves me! WOW. Sometimes we want to hide our brokenness, guilt and inner-ugliness from God, but he sees through all of that, all of the crap we carry, and sees Jesus in us.
For me it was a bit of a shake-up, I can't hide things from God - not even the things in my head. But I can ask for his help in making me to be more like him.
"For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." Ecclesiastes 12:14