The last couple blog posts have been vaguely depressing and I have got to a place where I feel I've got a bit more perspective and there is hope. So I wanted to let you know I'm not wallowing in a state of gloom.
I think 2 things have happened to help me change my thoughts:
#1. I have spoken to a number of people about why I'm sad and they have been able to help me see the actual truth and not my own skewed version of the truth. I think as an extrovert that has been pretty important for me - sometimes talking and being real is what I crave. The friends I have spoken to have just been super. Like the type of people who you know you can tell anything to and they aren't going to change what they think about you. I love that. It is so safe! I'm not going to lie, there are times when I think "can I really tell you this?" when I'm scared about people's reactions; but building proper trusting friendships has definitely been one of my better investments over my years in London.
#2. People have been praying for me/I have been praying. If I'm honest I feel like sometimes I am just too weak to change anything myself. Like when you feel sad, it's really hard just to snap out of it. You need something bigger than yourself to help. I genuinely know that God has been really drawing close to me and helping to renew my mind over these last few days. I know that a number of people who read this don't necessarily believe the whole God thing - but for me I have felt God's power at work in me; talking to people is great, but the real change is in the mind - and I have struggled to change my own mind, totally believe that God has had something to do with it.
Anyway, the short of it all is that I am ok. I want to love God better, I want to serve people around me in a more loving way, I'm aiming to be someone who shines Jesus into every situation I find myself in.
There is hope.