Recently I've recognised more and more the dependence I have on people. I get my worth from people. If I don't feel like I matter to people then I feel lonely and worthless.
Now I am realising quite how big a grip this has on me because I am having a couple of days off and have tried to cut down on texting people just to see the effect it has on me. And you know what, I feel crap. I feel like no one cares about me and that I am alone.
That is what I feel.
What I KNOW is that I have a God who cares for me intimately and who loves me better than anyone else ever can or does. While I might feel like I need people (I am a huge extrovert after all), actually God says that he is sufficient. Yes it is not a natural, default position for my head to get around...I want people to show me that I'm loved...but ultimately God has already shown me how much he loves me. He's shown it by sending Jesus to die for me so I can have a relationship with God. He shows me every day how much he loves me by providing for me, by keeping me breathing.
I am so thankful that God does provide me with friends, that actually even when I feel lonely I know that I have a circle of friends who I can call out to to be there for me. But even more than that I love that God is enough. No matter how good a group of friends you have, sometimes they will let you down - God doesn't. He literally is the ultimate friend/parent/King. Supreme.
Dependence on him is something I want to learn more.
You're not alone in how you feel. It's a good realisation when you see how great God is and how much he loves us. I'm learning it more :)
ReplyDeleteOk so I found your blog because I searched google "I get my worth from people". Not sure how true that really is, but it was a thought has been inside my head for some time now. ANYWAY... you and like maybe one other result showed up on google. So I naturally read your post, and alas here I am posting this comment on your blog. I know this introduction was not necessary, but I always often choose to write more than what is necessary.
ReplyDeleteI think for people we look to God as the answer to our shortcomings and vices, and in our pursuit of self righteousness we abandon the tag of being human. I have been a christian by trial and error for a long time. It's been been mostly by error, but I have been an active participant none the less.
From my time on this earth and the aforementioned explained. I can honestly say that my only purpose my only reason to be on this earth has been from God. But I think God wants us ultimately lowly and humble. That kind of mind is hard to accept in this day and age when everything seems so cutthroat.