Nothing to give

On Tuesday mornings every week I meet with the team that I manage for XLP. I love this time; as those of you who know me will understand - I am a team player! I love being together and being part of something bigger than myself. I love learning and growing together. This week we spent some time writing letters to God about where we were at/what was on our hearts etc. We then had time to listen to see what God was saying in response. 

So I spent some time writing to God about how sometimes I feel like this - 

But imagine that the weight is life. Sometimes I just feel very weak. Sometimes I feel like I am getting weaker the older I get - especially when I am surrounded by people who have deep needs. I don't always know how to help, how to support, how to be like Jesus, how to encourage. Sometimes I feel like my resources are limited or non-existent. It doesn't take much to deplete my stocks!

Recently I have been really struck by how I want my life to count! I want to be doing what God has created me to do...and not being sure if I am in fact doing that. Sometimes I just feel a bit lost and like I'm drifting through life not necessarily living in the fullness that is mine through Christ. 

Anyway, after attempting to articulate this to God I really felt him direct me to the story of Gideon. For those of you who don't know it, basically Gideon was the runt. 

He was the "least in his family", his family was in the weakest clan and his clan was part of the smallest tribe of God's people, the Israelites. All of the Israelites were being oppressed and so God was looking for someone to raise up to rescue his people. At this point an angel visits Gideon who is hiding in a wine-press. He greets him saying, "The Lord is with you mighty warrior". Obviously Gideon is a bit like "uh what?!"* (*that's a paraphrase - real words here)

But then the angel said, "Go in the strength you have...am I not sending you". 

Now Gideon was runty and weak! If you continue to read the story (which you can here) he is scared and unsure. Not necessarily my top choice of who I would choose to lead God's people. But I really felt like that was what God was saying to me.

"Go in the strength you have, am I not sending you"

So much of the time I can base my life on what I can do. I forget that I serve a God who is MASSIVE! He can do way more. You see Gideon was a nobody and yet God used him to defeat his enemies and establish peace. I serve that same God who can use me when I feel very weak and like I've got nothing to give. 

For me it is a huge encouragement to be directed to this verse. To be reminded that God has just asked me to go as I am, with the skills and gifts I have and to serve him. Not only that, but that he is sending me. This reassures me that:

1. He will equip me with any other skills I might need - he just asks me to be willing to use what I've got
2. He has sent me - therefore when/if I am ever supposed to do something different he will make it clear

So while I might feel weedy like this...

....thankfully, I serve a God who is able to fill in what I lack so that I can be like this!